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| 2006 |
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In January of this year a good friend of his since 3rd grade was in a bad way. Danny called me crying that his best friend was homeless. He found out he was sleeping in an abondoned building. I told him to bring him to our house. Ryan and Dan were buds, they had been in the same grade forever, played football and wrestled together for years. His mom was mentally ill and his dad was a heroin and crack addict. The night Ryan came to staywith us I was upstairs cleaning out Danny's room and looking for clothes to fit Ryan. This is when I found out what my son's real problem was. In his sock drawer I found two spoons, two needles and empty bags. I had a feeling of needing to vomit, the room became blurry and my heart was racing. I ran downstairs and showed my husband. We called Dan on the phone and told him to get home immediately. We confronted him, he tried to lie, I told him it was bull shit and he finally admited it was his and some other kids. One year later I found out it was his and Ryans. I turned the stuff into the police as found property and told him I would press charges if he did not stop. My husbands good friend came over the next morning and roughed him up and gave him a good talking too. Things seemed to be ok. Ryan split and Danny got a better job at the Storage Post as Asst. Manager. He was there for almost 3 months and I was told he was doing well. During that time he had met a girl named Rena. Prior to that he had had a relationship with a girl named Jen who found out what he was doing and dumped him. He was heartbroken for the first time. This was his first really steady girlfriend. Rena seemed nice at first but later came to find out she was an addict and on suboxen. Still naive about heroin and thinking it was something you just stop, how stupid was I. Rena and Dan had their ups and downs. Later to find out that Danny was still using and now he had a partner, a girl and he was in love with her and their mutual habbit. I tried my best to keep them away from each other but it was next to impossible. I took his car away and sold it a second car I had got him when he appeared to be doing good at the Storage Post as an incentive to work hard and be clean. He loved his Nissan Altima, black with tinted windows and a great stereo system. He washed it so much I thought he'd take the paint off of it. He lost his job at the Storage Post and that was his last straw. Things just kept snow balling, we found crack pipes in his room and my husband turned them in and pressed charges against his own son. Danny had to pay for his own lawyer we were not. He did and got a conditional discharge, that is a one time get out of jail free card in NJ for drugs. We also took a restraining order out on him and kicked him out for a few days. I could not sleep at night and was getting physically ill. He managed to find a job doing pool installation but the guys he was working with had addiction problems too. In June Danny was showing signs of detoxing at home on an off. Staying in being sick but then going out on and off he was trying to beat the devil on his own. Finally he was throwing up in the bathroom one morning. I asked him what was going on, he said he ate something bad. I no sooner arrived at work and it was him. He asked me to take him to a methodone clinic he was FINALLY admitting he had a problem and needed help. I told him no to the clinic, he tried asking for suboxen, I said no to that also after seeing what it did to his girlfriend, she would take it, be ok for a week, then go off it and get high. So I told him detox and rehab is where I would take him, he agreed. We waited 8 hours for a bed, he had to lie and tell them he was using 10 bags a day as theywon't take you if you tell them 3. He completed detoc ad went to out-patient rehab, I tried to convince him to do inpatient but he refused and he was 18. I thought that would be better than nothing at this point. I told him he also had to attend NA meetings at night. I asked the facility to do a drug test on him as he did sign a HIPAA form and he failed horribly. I told him to ask about SJI funds as he was going to turn 19 in July and be off my insurance but they told him until he was serious they would not help him with state funds. Then it was one thing after the other with people calling he owed money to. He was then arrested for selling a playstation game to a hoc shop. Our neighbors were apprently robbed during their vacation and he thought possibly what he found was theirs and went to talk to the police and they arrested him as it was something from there house. The charges were receiving stolen property. We left him in jail for a few days. Finally I accepted a call from him and told him I would bail him out if he would agree to put a pellet in his arm that I kept hearing so much about, even a police officer suggested it. So we got him out and the following morning two days or so before his 19th birthday we got him a pellet. This was to last for 60 days. He was still behaiving badly in as far as his attitude and too many people were bothering him so I sent him to Florida pending his court date. He left for Florida and I cried my eyes out. This was the first time my baby was going to be away from me. He started a job almost immediately where his step-aunt my brother's wife worked. I kept hearing from her he was doing fine. My brother kept calling to complain that Danny had a lying issue, duh, I told him you know I was not sending you a Nobel Peace Prize winner and you were a heroin addict in the 60s what have you forgotten. Danny would call every day to tell me he missed his girlfriend, he was bored to tears and they had him on a leash. I told him once he proved himself the leash would lighten up. His cousin did take him out once to a salsa club and he had a blast. My brother took him scuba diving and fishing he had dove at the age of 13 and they told him they would pay for his certification. Well one night he went out for a pack of smokes and came back an hour and a half later. He met some kids his age at the store he walked to and went to their trailer to hang out and talk. He came home fine and clean and with the change for the cigarettes but my brother was po'd and worried and had a problem that I had thought was resolved years ago, drinking. He got into it with Dan and we all decided he needed to come home to chill out for two weeks. He was to return to work for an installer but he came home with ALL his bags and ALL his clothes. This is now mid August. He immediately got two jobs and for a few weeks seemed ok but slowly started acting beligerant. Once night when he came home from work with my friend he argued with me about a check from his job in Florida that was finally sent to him that I turned around and sent the entire amount to his lawyer for him. He said something very cruel to his dad for no reason. He was in the other room. I went off on him verbally and told him to leave. was done with his shit. I tried everything I could, did everything I could told him and reminded him of all the things I did for him his entire life, from runs to the hospital for his asthma, helping with homework, sports, games, uniforms, check ups, physicals for sports, chaparoning school trips, talking to teachers, getting him into speech therapy because of his needing tubes, etc. I went down the entire list from birth to date. He started to cry, the cops had come to the house someone had called them. He was told to leave. 2 1/2 days later he returned home. He called me at work. He said he was with Rena and could he please take a shower. I told him ok and then he proceeded to tell me that he screwed up again and was not sure if he was ever gonna be able to stop screwing up but that nothing was my fault and that I was a good mom the best mom anyone could ever ask for and if anything happened to him never to blame myself in anyway. At this point I was not even sure what he was talking about, did he get into trouble with the police again or was he using. I came home at lunch time. Him and Rena were sleeping. I told Alicia to check on them every so often. I told Dan before we hung up that we would take when I got home. We did and I could tell the Devil got a hold of my boy again. It was not Danny I was talking to anymore. A week or two later he took my car to Lowes to return some gutter guards on a side job he had, he came back 5 hours later with dents on the side of my car and the car full of mums and winter pansies. He said he got into an altercation with some kids from the past he did not get along with and they threw rocks at my car and he was looking for a body shop. That Friday I came home crying, I never knew what was going to happen next. Always waiting for a shoe to drop. He walked in the kitchen and I told him I felt that something bad was going to happen to him. He hugged me real hard and told me to stop worrying about him he could take care of himself and that I needed to eat he was worried about me I had lost alot of weight and was underweight to begin with. He seemed totally normal at that moment. In fact Danny never really ever looked high. He hid his habbit like a CIA agent. That Wednesday he was pacing when I came home from work, he plopped a loitering ticket on my lap and said he had court in Camden, NJ the next day. I asked him how, when and why he got this ticket. He told me it was from when we kicked him out a few weeks prior, he had no where to go so he went to a drug dealer's house he knew in Camden and then got freaked out so he called Rena to pick him up. He said don't worry I'll take the bus, I said no I will take you. I was out sick that week from bronchitis anyway. On Thursday October 19th I spent the day with my son in court with Rena. They were given another date to appear. We left, ate lunch and he went and did an estimate for a side job he had. He over bid and lost the job. He came in my room and told me he screwed up and over bid. I told him he should have waited for his dad but that that was part of business and something he would need to learn to deal with in life. He went out and came home later that night. In the morning I left for work. I had a bad feeling and tried calling the house right away. I tried every half hour until I finally reached him. In the interim I had called his attorney for him, he had court that Monday for the receiving stolen property charge but they had not gotten the police info and the date was being post poned. I told him this when I called him and advised him not to be foolish with any money he got he still owed his lawyer another 150 plus his monthly fine for the drug paraphenalia we had turned him in for. He said ok mom and then I said you know Dan you are in control of your own destiny, he finished my sentence. He seemed totally coherent but in a big hurry to get off the phone, he said he was inthe shower. His sister later confirmed this, her last conversation with him was about some fight she watched in school and he was giving her his opinion. His dad asked him to do the dishes on his way out he said I'll do them when I get back. Those were all our last words to our son and Alicia's brother. When I got home from work, our Friday ritual was to eat out, whomever was home was more than welcome to join us or if they were not around the rule was to fend for themselves. We went out to eat, his girlfriend called my phone looking for him. I told her he was out but if I heard from him I would tell him to call her. We then went to the mall to get my daughter's boyfriend a birthday gift, his birthday was the following Friday as was mine. We came home to a message from the police station to call them it was important. We knew it was not a good sign. Danny was no longer a minor, if he got into legal trouble they would not be calling us. We called Alicia to see where she was and she was at her boyfriend's house watching a movie. Then my husband reluctantly called the station back, they asked to come over and he said ok. He turned around and said "Danny is dead I know it". The police walked in the house 3 of them, one a senior officer. They did not even acknowledge my presence. The senior officer said "there was a little trouble in Camden today and hesitated for a moment and said Danny passed away". My husband dropped to the floor, I screamed no this can't be true and ran up in his room to find his wallet with his driver's license, itwas there this had to be a horrible mistake. The police said they had a positive ID from finger prints, photos and his tattoos. My son overdosed on a bad bag of heroin in a bathroom of a restaurant in Camden. No one was there to help him he had went alone. This was October 20th, 2006. Danny ended his battle with the devil and went to heaven. We will miss him for the rest of our lives. His personality was so BIG you could not avoid him if you tried. The void in our life is enourmous. |
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| 2005 |
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Danny is now in 12 th grade and is 18. He was sent to the Burlington County Alertnative High School. He completed an entire 12th grade year in 8 weeks. He took his SRA State Exam and passed and had his H.S. Diploma sometime in November. MS High School guidance office called me when he received the results of his state exam and told me I could come pick up his diploma. Upon completion of H.S. Danny really did not know yet what he wanted to do with his life. I had started to go to the Rap Room for meetings for parents with kids who had a drug problem. Still not knowing exactly what he was doing but knowing it was more than just pot and booze. He wanted to go back to the tree company but it was their slow time of the year. So he at first went back to the mortgage company then applied for a job at Shop Rite. He went through the training program. He also got his driver's license in November FINALLY! |
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| 2004 |
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Dan was 17 and in 11th grade in Maple Shade H.S. His first semester was ok, he was getting Cs. 2nd semester and third he went down hill faster than lightening and we could not figure out why. Getting into arguments with teachers, etc. He was pulled out of school one day and drug tested. He failed. Had a few things in his system but not opiates or cocaine. As he became more difficult at home we asked our family doctor what to do, she suggested he go to a crisis center and if he would not go willingly we should have a police escort. The police were asked to get him and take him. He was in school. He was completely mortified. But we did not know what else to do. He was crying and begging to leave. His sister cried and said to let him leave and make him see someone. One day after school his Dad got on his case about all the messing up he was doing, they ended up in a physical altercation and police were involved. In the interim we had had a school meeting and I asked the child study team person what and where to go for help. He gave me the number of a free counselling service, that same day she was due to come to our home. She arrived just as Dan and his Dad came home from the station. She saw Dan once a week and things seemed to be going ok. He was acting better at home. School however was still a problem. Mostly dumb boy crap. His Guidance Counselor was a total waste and should find a job he can actually do. I made several calls and sent several e-mails to him after his drug test with no return call. Only once at a group meeting did he suggest that perhaps Danny go to NA. Now at this time I find out that MSHS refers kids out to Genesis House, where was that suggestion when I so desparetely needed one. Well one day at school when Dan was warned if he did one last thing he was out. He wrote something stupid about his friend sitting next to him on the black board and he was permanently suspended pending an expultion meeting. I immediately called his counselor, she suggested due to the history of behaivor issues from 6th grade on that he be evaluate by the Child Study Team and informed me of my rights and told me Dan had been served and injustice for never having had this done, all this bad behaivor was a red flag that no one saw in the professional world in school. I wrote to the school via e-mail and expressed my concerns and wants. I was told Dan would be home schooled in the library and evaluated. Upon completion of his evaluation it was determined that he was a bright child, no eductional deficiencies, the shrink said he was slightly depressed and confirmed his ADD. He tried meds but Dan would not take them. The school let him finish out his 11th grade year at the library and he would go to the alternative H.S. for 12th grade. Prior to this we had one other trip to the crisis center in Wilingboro because of out of control behaivor. At this point the home counselling program had stopped because of funding. I had to find him one through my insurance which was a challenge. I finally found someone who took my insurance and we went as a family then Dan and I went alone. It seemed to be a wasted of time and money, Danny made that very obvious. He completed 11th grade, and summer came. He worked for a tree surgeon. He loved this job. He said it was his most favorite job. He had been working after school at a mortgage company cold calling and doing well. But he wanted full time work outdoors and he loved it. Summer was moving along ok until evening he came home to kids in the yard with bats, etc. They trashed my house and car. Dan went crazy but was not physically hurt as he got in the house in time as I left the door open. The police were called and they informed me that this could be a result of an earlier altercation he had but could not tell me more than that. Danny filed a report of the vandalism and possible threat to his life as they had bats. We could not calm him down and the police took him to the crisis center. When he had first talked to the police after the incident in the yard it was obvious he was high on something, very wound up. The crisis center kept him over night. The following day I planned on finding him a rehab in Florida. My neice was going to take him until we got him into one. We went to the MV to get ID to get on the plane when he started having an allergic reaction from something the hospital gave him. I then also got a call from my husband that Danny was being arrested and he had to turn himself in. So we got his ID and went to the station. Turns out prior to the incident in my yard earlier that night he'd had a fist fight with someone and fractured his eye socket. He was charged with aggrevated assault and taken to county on 25,000 bail no 10%. We got hold of a bails bondsman and they posted the bail. We immediately took him back to the hospital as we knew he was still having a reaction to something. They looked up what they gave him after my few choice words and realized he was having an accute reaction to Haldol. Who gives someone Haldol without doing a drug screen first too. So now our plan to send him away came to a hault as he had court dates.His behaivor became better, he pressed a counter complaint which was accepted and his charges were dropped down to simple assualt and the kid never showed up in court so case was dropped and dismissed. |
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| 2003 |
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Dan is now 16 and in 10th grade and wanted out of the BCIT. He joined the MS HS football team even after not having been to any practices that summer. The bus stop was changed to the H.S. and after seeing his township team mates playing he realized how much he missed football. He had a good rep so the coach made an acception and let him play. He played great that season. Watching your son play football is better than watching the pros. Danny was an Eagles fan. I loved watching him watch the games on T.V. with his Dad. He understood football so well. I was still trying to after all these years. Danny transferred out of BCIT back to MSHS as he was sick of being late for football practice the bus took forever. Against my better judgement I signed him out and back into MSHS. |
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| 2002 |
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Danny starts H.S. at BCIT and picked HVAC. He did well in this school. Less problems with discipline with the exception of a bus fight. He was a wild and funny teenage boy. He got caught for the first time cutting and it was too funny actually. He got off the bus after I left. He went to a friends. I had needed to ask a teacher a question that day and called the school, they informed me he was not there which of course was news to me. Later that day at work I got an instant message on AIM from him. I asked him where he was, he replied school, I told him that was interesting because no one could seem to find him in school that day. He immediately signed off. When I got home from work I reemed him out. That was the first and only time he ever cut school. |
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| 2001 |
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Danny is now 14 in 8th grade Maple Shade Jr. High. Still playing football, this would be his last year. He was on the unlimited team. No more worries about his weight. When he was on the 125s he weighed 145 lbs and had to loose 20 lbs to make weight and he did it but broke his hand at practice and was out part of the season. Danny loved football, he never missed or argued about going to practice. He was there every night at 6 from the time he started when he was little until 8, 4 nights a week and a game on the weekends. Things were a little rough when his sister decided to join cheerleading and was cheering for a younger team. But some how there schedules worked out and I was able to get them to both of their games. I always called it musical fields. |
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| 2000 |
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Danny is now 13 in 7th grade. This is where the trouble started. He still played sports every year, football and baseball. But he was forever getting into trouble in school for disruption, a fight or two, etc. He also got caught smoking pot during X-mas vacation at a friends house. Who's dad had servalence cameras in his house as that is what he did for a living. We talked to him and he got punished. Started to get into wrestling now and was struggling as he had to wrestle out of his weight class. |
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| 1999 |
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Danny is 12 in 6th grade. Had a fight or two. But all in all he was ok. He continued with football and baseball and hockey. Went roller skating alot at the Cherry Hill rink. Seemed to have alot of friends. His graduation trip from this middle school was at a camp ground in Medford. I chaparoned the trip not knowing I was going to get stuck with a bunch of girls I did not know. Girls on one side, boys on the other. He had a good time. I watched him play limbo and they all had fun on the trip. |
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| 1998 |
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Danny is now 11 and in 5th grade. We took him to be evaluated as he was forever forgetting his books. The counselor told me he had ADD and tried Aderal. He had a bad effect from it so we took him off of it. His friend Sean Blanche's mom told me about the place we took him to. He got a 504 Plan at school and the teachers had to check his homework planner and book bag to make sure he had the right books. He started doing a little bit better. Still continued with football and baseball. I believe this was also the first year he played deck hockey as well. Found out he had flat feet too. His feet hurt so bad after hockey we took him to the doc and he had to where inserts while playing. |
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| 1997 |
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Danny age 10 4th grade. Steinhauer Middle School. He had a hard time with this transition. He was having a hard time staying on task, remembering instructions and taking home the right books. His teacher was the magic marker Queen. I remember going to open school night and she had an entire display of what they would learn that year in all different colored markers. His homework planner was written in by her in marker. I could not even read what she wrote. I told Danny I was going to give her a real pen for X-mas and he laughed. Danny played football and baseball again. Still riding his bike around doing tricks on it. . |
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| 1996 |
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Danny is now 9 in 3rd grade. Yeah he got on the Maple Shade Tigers Football team. He was sooo happy and made alot of friends. He came home after weigh-ins with his team Jersey. He was given number 69 and was so proud, he slept with his Jersey on and half his equipment. Played baseball again too. Now in 3rd grade, grades were average. He liked his teacher that year |
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| 1995 |
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Danny is now 8 in 2nd grade. We finally found out where football sign ups were but a little too late. He got put on a waiting list but the team was so full he never got called. But he played baseball in the summer and he was ok with that. He was otherwise busy riding his bike all the time. |
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| 1994 |
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Danny is now 7 in 1st grade. We bought our first home in Maple Shade, NJ. He made friends and he was loving it as we were in a condo environment and with the exception of sports there were no kids really in our development. I felt like I moved to Mayberry RFD. We moved in August, missed the football sign ups for Dan but made it for baseball. He did not seem to mind too much as there were KIDS!!!!!!!!!! Moving from a condo with basically older people without children to a "neighborhood" he was having a blast. I of course was having a heart attack. Letting him ride his bike with out being up his butt and trying to keep my eye on Alicia who was turning 4 in October. Danny went to public school as advised by Mrs. Bradley his pre-1 teacher, she told me the public schools in NJ were far better than in Philly and to not stress myself out with money. I found a day care center for my daughter and Danny was picked up after school and taken to the same one. One pick up for us when work was over. Things seemed ok. We had a house and they each had their own room. Although.............they NEVER stayed in their own room. Every night I would go to tuck them in after baths, etc. and read to them and go up again later to check and they would be together in one of the rooms, either laughing, Dan reading to his sister, or sleeping. So I left them alone. They were bonding. Danny went to 1st grade at Maude Wilkins elementary school. He had the biggest first little crush on a blonde haired blued eye girl named Brittney Scott. He took a camera to school one day and I forgot to get the pics developed then a few years later I did and half the role was of Brittney. |
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| 1993 |
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Danny is now 6 in pre-first grade. St. Christopher's offered a transitional class, pre-first grade. I went to talk to the public school about their suggestion and they thought it was a good one and to go for it. Soooo....he went to Pre First, 16 kids, 14 were boys. He had a fantastic teacher, he loved her. She kidded with them, told them when they were bad she was gonna throw them out the window into the cemetary across the street. He thought it was too funny. Well we also signed him up for football and he was a natural. Loved the sport, tackling and all. They nicknamed him "killer". He was on the ball and whoever had it like white on rice. Summer came and he started T-Ball. Loved that too. |
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| 1992 |
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Danny is now 5 in Kindergartden and was finally diagnosed by an ENT, those darn HMO plans back then. His pediatrician kept saying he would out grow his ear infections. Well I finally demanded a referral for an ENT and he had a temp 30% hearing loss. So we were told he needed tubes. Well the first trip to the hospital, he's all ready in his little hospital gown, we get all the way to anesthia and they tell me "no" not today his asthma is too bad. He heard that, jumped off that bed faster then lightening and ran all the way back to "the room" where HIS stuff was. One week later tubes were inserted. No more ear infections, not one single one for years. So you guessed it we changed pediatricians. Good ridence to him. Danny got molds made for his ears cause we lived in a condo with a huge built in pool. He was like a whole new child. No more ear pain. Went to pre-k, had some issues with biting, he bit a kid or two got scolded then he started biting himself when he was angry. I was told this was "normal". My husband's family told me my husband had a temper like that when he was little too. |
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| 1991 |
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On October 2, 1991 my daughter Alicia arrived. Danny was 4 years old came to the hospital to meet his baby sister. It was truly love at first sight, he did not care that she was a girl. She was his little toy. He fed her in the hospital, sat between my legs as I helped him hold her. When we got home he was a little taken by how much attention a baby needed and pulled the typical you don't love me anymore routine, which of course we fixed with a kiss a hug, talks and another trip to Kiddie City. Danny was a handful with Alicia. Trying to play dad and mom for us. Trying to help out. My the time Alicia was one Danny had taught Alicia how to climb out of her crib. This was his really big major accomplishment, to get her out from behind those bars to wonder and play and watch cartoons or jump in our bed in the morning! He swore she learned it on her own but I knew better. I heard him coaxing her, etc. from the next room. He invited me to come watch his sister's new trick that he swore she learned on her own. Hence the railing onthe crib went down permanently to avoid a potential higher fall and then came the junior bed. They both slept in the same room, he in his twin and her in her junior. The giggled and laughed at night, it was quite a job to get them to fall asleep. One would invevitably on purpose wake the other. |
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| 1990 |
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Danny is now 3 years old. I got pregnant with his sister Alicia. He was so cute during my pregnancy. He understood I had a baby in my belly. I can remember things like having to go for the glucose tolerance test and drinking this nasty stuff and him telling me as I was gagging trying to get it down, he said "you dont' have to drink that stuff mommy if it does not taste good". I explained to him the best way I could that I had to as it was important. Later on in my pregancy towards the end one day at the park playing he tripped running to get on one of those things that spins around and smacked his cheek bone right on it, blood everywhere. There I was 8 months pregnant carrying him to the car to go to the ER. When we got done I took him to Kiddie City for a toy. He always remembered that even as an adult/older teenager. One day as I have bad allergies I sneezed going just as I was getting out of the car with him to get some last minutes things for my new arrival. Oops, the bladder was full. He was so funny scolding me that I peed my pants. I will never forget that day. I laughed so hard. We had to run back home then go out again. He of course felt the need to tell everyone that his mommy peed her pants later that evening. His dad, pop-pop and nanna. |
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| 1989 |
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Danny is now 2, oh the terrible two's. I caught him once trying to shave his legs with moisturizer. Kid's mimic their parents so much. He was talking, walking and very hyper. I still had to either rock him to sleep or lay down with him until he fell asleep. Silent Night was his favorite song to fall asleep to. Reading books in bed to him was also a night ritual. |
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| 1988 |
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Danny is now 1 and a funny little dude. He was so curious about everything in the world. Always on a mission and busy, busy, busy. |
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| 1987 |
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Danny was born in Pennsylvania at Rolling Hill Hospital on July 21, 1987. Weighing in at 6 lbs. 15 onz. 19 1/2 inches long. After an enduced labor at 7 a.m. in the morning he finally decided to join the world at around 4 in the afternoon. We lived in The Far Northeast of Philly. Danny was a handful from day one, even the nurse commented to me about his crying. The first night we had him home I can still remember moving from one place to another trying to get him to sleep. My husband and I at ages 24 and 28 looked at each other and thought aloud, what did we do. Sleep deprevation here we come. The first year of his life was rough, he got a really bad cold that turned into pnemonia at 3 months old. His formula had to be changed like 5 times as he was allergic to everything. At 4 months we found out he was born with asthma. He had chronic ear infections, allergies and asthma. I had my hands full. Both my husband and I worked and at 6 months I took a leave of absence from work for several months to be home with Danny to get him well. By the end of his 1st year of life he was doing better and went back to day care and I returned to work. |
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